A Clean House is a House of Order.

Cover of "Clean House!"

Every father has visited another parents home and wondered ‘How in the world do they keep their house so darn clean with all those gunky kids running around?’ I’ve thought it, you’ve thought it. I don’t think there is a parent out there who hasn’t. Well I’m here to tell you how they do it.

First off, if your house is a gunk pile, you have no body to blame but yourself. Especially if the first thing you do when you walk through that front door, is kick your shoes off, drop your keys, wallet and phone wherever they happen to land, and fling your coat over the sofa. You’ve got to set a good example if you expect the little ones to be clean too! Now I know, kids are inherently gunky little beings, but you can do this! Trust me!

1. Have a field day at least once a week.

Thats right. You learned this in boot camp. Same rule applies in civy life. Everyone has to participate. No exceptions. Pick a day that works best for you. I use saturday. I know, it’s the weekend. SUCK IT UP! It’s the best time to gather the entire family together, but to make it work, you’ve got to start it when the kids are young enough not to know any different! Don’t fret if that’s not a possibility. After a few weeks, the kids will know what to expect.

Assign age appropriate chores. No one in their right mind expects a toddler to clean the toilet. However a seven year old is perfectly capable, with a little help, of cleaning their own bathroom. You must teach them! Don’t be lazy! If you have little ones, say the age of two to four, give them a dust rag and let them loose on the house. Tell them to dust everything they see. They’ll think its a game. Do not expect them to do it right. At this age, it is merely a training exercise to make YOUR life easier later on! Moving on.

Unless you have brilliant children, like I know you do, you and the Commanding Officer are going to have to pick up the slack and clean most of the heavy duty items. Get used to it, you were going to do it anyway. If you have older children, assign them to mop the floor, vacuum, scrub the floors, FIND SOMETHING! and for Pete’s sake, have them clean their rooms! This should be done immediatly after breakfast and should only last a couple hours at the most!

You will find that four year old’s love to fold the laundry and toddlers love to destroy it! Start them off with something easy, like towels. Show them how to fold it and let them loose. Do not expect perfection here, but be grateful for their help.

2. Keep on it!

I don’t know about you, but if your kitchen and dinning area is even a little bit unkempt, the whole house feels dirty. It really bugs me! And I know the wife is thrilled every time I pitch in a helping hand and sweep the floor for her, or put away the dishes. Get over your ego and do it! Being a man does not mean being a putz!

A clean kitchen is a clean house! Clean that kitchen everyday and keep on it! Let your children pitch in. Have them clean off the table if their old enough or at least move their dishes into the sink.

No plate and cup towers. Sweep that floor! Especially if you have nasty gunky little children who seem to think that food belongs on the floor! Your not going to win this battle, but you can clean it up afterwords.

3. Keep on them!

If your going to be successful at having an orderly and clean house, you’ve got to keep on your children. That means hound them if they drop their clothes on the floor. Tell them to pick it up and put it in it’s designated area, if it be clean or dirty. Let them know that you expect their rooms to be clean after their done playing. Set up some rules for them. One toy at a time and then it goes back. If your kids are already used to dragging toys all over the house, it stops now! Be firm. Like the policy on Terrorists, there will be no negotiations. Either follow the rules or suffer the consequences. My children are terrified of plastic bags. Because after I warn them and they still refuse, they know I mean business once that Wal-mart bag comes out.

No matter how horrible you think your lovely little children are at following simple orders, they will learn, but you must teach them in a way that get through to them and NO ONE can tell you how to do that but YOU!

4. Have a designated play area.

For those of you lucky enough to have an extra room in the house, don’t be greedy. Let your kids have it for a play room. Your welcome!

Nothing can make a house feel dirtier quicker then scatter children’s play things. And having stepped on the proverbial toy in the dark, I can tell you from experience, that nothing makes the bottoms of my feet feel safer then knowing that all the toys have a designated storage area. My little devil pups know that their toy room must remain orderly when they are finished, or they will suffer the consequences. Make up a few for yourself. They kids need to know what to expect here, make sure they’re clear. Mine know that the door will be locked for a set period of time and if they don’t clean up in the allotted amount of time, Mr. Garbage-Sack comes out to play. (No I don’t really trash their toys, they just disappear for a time.)

Keep that play room clean. One toy rule especially applies here. Do not expect your little ones to follow it, but do expect your bigger ones to know that they are responsible for cleaning up the little ones mess and ensuring all is well.

A bonus of having a designated toy room, is that all of that toy clutter is located away from the common areas. No more mountains of blocks in the middle of the living room. No more scatter Zhu Zhu Pets waiting to terrorize the undersides of your feet in the middle of the night.


Have a set day that the whole family cleans the house together. Don’t let them be pigs!

Keep on it yourself. You’ve got to clean or nobody will. Set the example. Being a man does not mean being a putz.

Keep on your children. Train them. Motivate them. Set the ground rules.

Have a designated toy room if you can. Your welcome.


SWTOR: Redemption [Episode II: Path to Fort Garnik]

Path to Forth Garnik:

Welcome back to Redemption. Follow Teufel-hunden as he fights his way to Fort Garnik, taking out a few pesky snipers on the way as he looks for his lost eye.

Blog:         http://www.gunnymundy.com
Tube:         http://www.youtube.gunnymundy
Google +:  http://plus.google.com/u/0/110195493755292555425/posts

SWTOR: Redemption [Episode I: Insertion]

ESRB Warning: This title is rated “T” for Teen.


This is a play-through of Star Wars The Old Republic with occasional commentary, role-playing and fumbling around.

Follow Teufel-hunden as he makes his way through the Galactic Core on his search for his lost eye.

Redemption. Follow Teufel-Hunden and experience first hand his fall to the Dark Side and Redemption as good and bad collide.

Blog: http://www.gunnymundy.wordpress.com
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/110195493755292555425/


English: Tracer rounds ricochet off of a tank ...

Any guy knows what a Tracer is. It’s a type of ammunition that leaves a red or green trail behind it when fired, or so the movies tell us. But there’s more to it then that.

Roses Are Red...

It seems that the first application of tracing a bullet for combat was invented by the British in 1915 and then again by the good ‘ole boys of America in 1917. Either way, it was the early twentieth century that brought in the ability to track and trace a bullet impact in order to aid in aiming a weapon. Originally soldiers were forced to visibly see their bullet impacts until someone came up with the bright idea of making them flash when they hit something. Soon however, the ‘Spotlight’ bullets were struck down as a violation of the Hague Convention and were found useless for applications other then ground fire. Smoking bullets, another method of tracing rounds, were favored for a while but they were flawed because of the mechanics that made them smoke. You see, they would burn much of their weight off, throwing the ballistics of round off. Not good if your trying to stay alive!

Luckily for our guys, the modern tracer was born, made famous by old Vietnam War movies. These babies would show a trial of bright red light as they screamed toward the bad guy’s, making it possible to mark targets, send signals, burn stuff and to aim better. However, there was still a problem with them. Not only could our guys see where their red tracers where going,

Tracer fire lights up the night sky as Marine ...

but so could the bad guys and soon they found themselves enveloped by green tracers. So, to solve the problem, some bright mind remixed some chemicals, placed them in the cavity of a tracer bullet, and BAM, subdued tracer ammunition was born, which waited about a hundred yards before igniting.

All this can be found here at this Wikipedia link. I’d suggest brushing up on it before viewing the following content.

Below is a video of some local Idaho boys putting on a Tracer Shoot. Now before you get your panties all in a bunch about the legality of such an event, tracer ammunition is perfectly legal, though I wouldn’t recommend firing on any dry BLM land anytime soon. Take a look at what tracers can do in the following video. They are a lot of fun to see and to shoot. The explosions you will see are caused by gas being released through punctured pvc pipe filled with propane. The gas is ignited when a tracer flies through it’s cloud. Hoorah!



New Fathers Guide: Changing that Diaper!

Listen up!

Now it’s time to go over exactly how you’re going to change a diaper. As inglorious as it may be, it’s a skill every father should learn! Not only will it score points with momma, you will also avoid looking like a schmuck to the rest of the card carrying dads, and that’s important if you ever want to have an ounce of credibility with the gang.

Remember that gear we went over last time? You can review it here if need be. Go over it. Memorize it. That stuff’s important. Moving on. First, we’re going to need a volunteer, because I am not demonstrating this on a real baby! That’s final! Luckily for you, Jedi Master Yoda here has volunteered to assist us. Say hello.


Greetings young-one. My diaper, you must change.

Now that we’ve got the introductions out of the way, I want you to pay close attention! It’s practical application time.

First thing you must do after your child has given the signal that he has filled his diaper, is to determine if it’s just wet, dirty, or both. Depending on which it is, will greatly influence what you do next. So how do you determine it? Some hardcore parents out there will actually press their noses up against the aft end of the baby and take a whiff. I do not recommend this. Remember the gas chamber? This can be much worse! In fact, it is entirely possible that CS gas was formulated from baby exhaust. But I digress. Simply give the front of the diaper a gentle squeeze. Is it a little squishy? Then it needs to be changed.

For this demonstration, we’ve determined that Jedi Master Yoda just has a wet diaper. We will assume no Jedi Mind Trick’s were used. Therefore, no mask or gloves are needed for this operation, although you may want to don your face shield if your bundle of joy is a boy or if your baby has been known poop like Scud.


These are the items I have determined are needed for this exercise. The Butt Paste and A&D are optional and are only there in case we determine that Master Yoda has a rash. "A rash, I do not have, young-one."

Above is a picture of items I have determines are necessary. Make sure you have the correct size diaper! The barf rag is a necessary item that you will want to lay down first, placing the baby’s aft end directly on top. If you do not have access to a barf rag, substitute the new diaper, your gonna put it down anyways. I will illustrate this in a moment. A little preventative maintenance goes a long ways in the battle against spillage. Your welcome.

Now lay your barf rag out like so;

barf rag

Lay your barf rag out like so to prevent spillage on momma's new carpet.

Now you can either lay the baby down now or place your new replacement diaper down like discussed above. The choice is yours, but I suggest you go ahead and lay it down if you haven’t already done so. Master Yoda has instructed us to lay the diaper down.


Lay the replacement diaper down first before the baby.

Now you must open it.

open diaper

You must open the diaper before placing the baby down upon it. I know it may sound obvious, but I guarantee you will forget to do this at least once.

Make sure the tabs are toward the top. This is important! Otherwise you’ll have a reversed diaper on your hands, risking a MOP 4 incident.

right tab

This is an example of what the right tab may look like on your diaper. Ensure it is toward the top and fully extended.


And this is the left tab. Extend both the right and left tab fully out to the sides. Don't worry if they don't stay that way.

Alright, now that we have our replacement diaper out and fully extended, it’s time to lay the baby on top and unclothe the aft end. Do not remove the dirty diaper at this point. Master Yoda will illustrate.

diaper master

This is how you properly lay your baby out over the top of the replacement diaper and barf rag.

Notice the Velcro tabs? Remember this configuration. Memorize it. Burn it into your mind. Good to go. Next we will need to disengage both tabs on the dirty diaper. Frank will demonstrate how this is done. Frank!

pull the tab

Carefully peel off each tab from the front of the diaper, pulling them to the sides.


Ensure each tab is properly disengaged and laid out flat. You will be reusing them later.

This is the top or front-facing part of the diaper. You will carefully lift and then fold it back toward you as illustrated by Frank in the two following photographs. Keep in mind that a surprise may be waiting for you on the other side. Be prepared to deal with it. This is where the pliers come into play.


This is the top or front-facing part of the diaper. Carefully raise it up and fold it back towards you.

pull it back

Carefully pull the top portion of the diaper back toward you and lay it on top the replacement diaper.

*Note: If you have a little boy baby, be sure to keep that projectile weapon covered until your fully ready to counter-attack with your wipes.

Now grab your wipes and open the lid. Depending on what’s inside baby’s diaper, you may need anywhere from one to however many it takes to get the job done. If you’ve forgotten how to release the wipes from their packaging, refer here for an illustration. You may need to scroll through the article until you find frank pulling out a wipe. Assuming you’re good to go with getting the wipes out, we’ll move on.

Depending on whether Master Yoda here is a boy or a girl, will greatly influence the way you utilize the wipe system. Yoda here has agreed to play the part of a girl with the understanding that he’ll wipe all of our minds at a later date.

As I was saying. Take your wipe and engage the target by wiping from above the baby’s private area down through toward the aft end to the rear exhaust port. If you do not do this, you risk contaminating baby’s urinary tract and giving her a nasty infection, and NO BODY want’s that.

Wipe Top

On a female Yoda, you will wipe from the top down toward the aft end.

Top down

Ending at the exhaust port. Do this as many times as necessary.

Repeat the process until clean. Good to go. Now is a good time to check for diaper rash. Look out for tiny red bumps or anything that looks like a first degree burn. If you find it, liberally apply either Butt Paste or A&D to the effected areas. Be gentle. It hurts!

*Diaper rash is mostly caused by uric acid burning the skin. It’s hurts. Bad. So clean those diapers A.S.A.P. and then treat with appropriate cream. Diaper rash can also occur from poop in the same fashion. If your baby suffers repeatedly from diaper rash, use the ointment or paste with every change to protect that delicate skin.

If you have a messy diaper, it will be necessary to hold the little ones legs up and out of the way while you do your business. Frank will help hold Yoda down while I illustrate.

foot hold

Secure baby's feet with an extra hand and gently lift so that you may have better access to cleaning the exhaust port. My other hand is holding the camera, so I asked Frank to jump in.

Foot wipe

If you have a little girl Yoda, ensure you wipe from the front to back, or Top Down.

Now that Yoda is clean, you can place the waste wipes directly onto the dirty diaper or in a plastic containment bag. Next you will fold the front part of the dirty diaper over like so;

fold it

Fold the diaper over onto itself to ensure containment. Gently pull the entire diaper toward you. Carefully lift baby's aft end if needed.

Having the dirty diaper out of the way, now would be a good time to fold the clean diaper over your sharp-shooters muzzle. Now your gonna want to fold that dirty diaper up into a small containment vessel by reusing the Velcro tabs. Remember those? I will show you how to do this. It’s simpler then it sounds. Just follow the pictures below and even a hard charger like you will understand.


After rolling the diaper upon itself, I've extended the left tab and attached it to the top facing me. Next I'll grab the right and pull it over on top of the other.

Snug tab

Ensure that both tabs are snug up against the diaper. You don't want this baby popping open on you, especially if it's full of unexploded ordnance, nuclear waste or loaded with a Sith trap.

If it’s a smelly dirty diaper, you’ll definitely want to place it inside a plastic bag of some sort and throw it in the trash receptacle outside!


Dirty diaper's belong in plastic bags. You'll thank me later.

plastic bag

Tie it off and haul it away outside of the house. Do not throw it in the kitchen trash bin. Think gas chamber.

Now it’s time to properly secure that fresh new diaper onto Jedi Master Yoda. Follow along as I illustrate once again.

new diaper

Pull the front-facing part of the new diaper up and over the baby's aft end and properly secure it.

press down

Gently press down and hold with one hand while the other secures it with a Velcro tab.


Both tabs should be pulled snugly over the top and secured down. Get some help if you need an extra hand.

left tab secured

Press down gently but firmly on the Velcro to ensure it is properly engaged.

right tab

Repeat on the opposite side. Make sure the elastic strap isn't pinching any skin and that the diaper is on straight.


Make your diaper look like mine. Secured! Good to go.

After you have properly secured the new diaper, replace baby’s clothes and give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve just changed your first diaper. Congratulations! Yoda will be proud! HOORAH!

Proud Yoda

Proud I am of you. A great diaper changer, you will become.

You have just Marine proofed your baby as far as diapers are concerned. Outstanding! Your gonna be an Officer some day! Or at least changing an Officers diaper.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this mission.

Semper Fidelis.

New Fathers Guide: Tools of the Trade. What you need to survive!


Alright! So your pretty confident that you know what a diaper is, what type you need and where to get them if you’ve run out. If not, refer back to my previous post entitled: New Fathers Guide to Buying Diapers. Today we will be discussing some of the tools of the trade. Stuff you will typically find in a house full of babies. As always, Frank will help me illustrate.

Do not worry, this will only take a few minutes of your time, but enclosed is some important information, or “NFO” for you savvy folk, that will not only make your life easier but will help you survive and dispose of the inevitable biological weaponry that will be utilized against you.

First, every mother knows and understands that you must have a diaper bag or some sort. They are usually blue with some sort of flowery design on them. This is an important piece of hardware that should be included in every New Marine Father’s 782 gear. The Gunny knows and understands what your feeling right about now. There is no possible way that you are carrying that pansy bag around on your shoulder. I am here to tell you, that you will be glad that you did. If you don’t like the blue, go for the pink.

Inside a typical diaper bag will be “daipers”. You got it. A plus. But there is another equaly important peice of equipment that we have yet to identify. FRANK!


The wipe is an equally essential peice of equipment that should be found in each and every New Marine Fathers 782 gear.

Behind Frank is a blue package of generic Costco brand wipes. These are excellent and I prefer them to the disgusting slime that is Pampers and the inferior material that is Huggies wipes. They come in a large box and I suggest you buy as many as you can afford. You will need them!

Now some of you saltier dogs out there are probably already familiar with the wipe. Having served in hot climates myself, I’ve been known to have taken a few wipe baths to supplement my canteen shower.

Now, to get the wipe out of the package, you typically have to open the top and peel back a little moisture retaining sticker. Don’t worry, it’s Marine proofed and marked “REMOVE”. After you have discarded it in the proper receptacle, your going to want to fish the first one out. Frank will demonstrate how to properly remove a wipe.

pulling the wipe

Frank demonstrates the proper technique to extracting wipes from the container.

Hoorah Frank, you keep it up and I’ll personally recommend you for a promotion!

We will go over proper wipe usage at a later date. For now I want you to concentrate on this picture.


These are some of the typical baby care tools you should find in your 782 gear.

The pink blob in the back, is the CO’s personal diaper bag. She has long since 86’d the pansy one in favor of a more practical design. You will see;

  1. A plastic bottle with a lid on it. Do not forget the lid! It will both keep the nipple clean and keep the milk in!
  2. Just below it is a pacifier. This one is totally up to you. I personally do not use them because it leads to dependance and thumb sucking.
  3. A ziploc bag containing extra baby clothes in case the little one has a blow out. You’ll be glad you have the bag, trust me!
  4. A red bulb syringe; for sucking out that green and yellow gunk out of baby’s nose.
  5. Above that is a plastic sack. Where do you think you’re going to put that biological ordinance after baby spreads the wealth?
  6. Below that is a bottle of gas drops. Some babies gulp air when they suck, which causes absolute chaos with their little tummies. You’ll know it if she’s doing it, because she will exhibit a superior talent for man farts.
  7. Just below that is a tube of generic Vitamin A&D. Good for diaper rash, sore bums and chapped lips. Use it liberally.
  8. Below that is a pair of infant nail clippers. Self explanatory.
  9. To the left is a sample of Butt Paste. HOORAH! Like A&D, but thicker. Careful, it’s brown and gritty.
  10. Under it all is a barf rag in the eventuality the little one expels on your uniform.

I left the diapers and wipes out to save room for this composition. Just close your eyes and make believe they’re there if it bugs you.

Now a well prepared mother will have a few extra items in the kit. Check it out.

baby care tools

Can you spot the differences of tools that are included in this kit?

What jumps right out at you? Ten points if you saw the monkey. That’s right. A well prepared mother, will always have some sort of entertainment device prepared and ready for the little one and you should too. So don’t forget the monkey!

Now, the Gunny has another version of this kit that I think you will agree is more appropriate. Look below to see what I mean.

gunny's additions

Pictured here is additional equipment that you will be glad you have included inside your 782 gear!

  1. A face shield. Especially if you have a boy. You may not understand this yet, but that little boy comes equipped with water cannon and the last thing you want when changing his diaper, is pee in the eye.
  2. To the right of the face shield is box of exam gloves. This should be self explanatory.
  3. To the right of that, is a light duty ear-loop mask. Like the doctor wear when they want to make funny faces at you without you knowing. This only serves to make you feel better and wont really protect you against fumigants.
  4. Below the ear-loop is a pair of goggles. If you don’t have access to the face shield or find a little too bulky, give these a try.
  5. Then comes a mas used for typically in the painting industry. This one is made by 3M and comes equipped with two filters. It will keep you alive in a pinch. Trust me! It works for toxic inhalants, and it’ll work for anything the baby can dish out. Get extra filters!
  6. Below that is an extra ziploc. Can’t have too many of these.
  7. In the center you will see duct tape for your everyday Marine proofing needs like taping up an exploded diaper. Get a roll.
  8. Finally we have a pair of needle nose pliers in case you don’t have any gloves or you find the weaponry too powerful for standard equipment. These are typical multi-tools and have many uses such as peeling contaminated clothing off of the baby or tossing a diaper into a lake of lava. Or just for anything your too scared to touch, even with gloves on.
  9. Ignore Frank. He’s just clowning around. I’ll deal with him later.

I hope you enjoyed this article and found it useful. Next time we will discuss how to properly change a diaper.

Don’t just sit there! Go help momma with that baby!

Carry on!

New Fathers Guide to Buying Diapers!

Listen up.

 Congratulations, you’re a father. Where you as nervous as I was when you found out it didn’t come with a manual? Well never fear because I am here. No need to shake in your boots when you hear that baby howl. Follow me and you’ll be ready for any and every eventuality. Now strap on your boots and follow me! FORWARD – HARCH!

 As a father of a newborn baby, there are a few things you must know about and have access to. One of the most important items in your newly issued 782 gear, will be the diaper.

The daiper
The most important peice of equipment is the diaper.

Not just any diaper; the proper diaper. Confused? I will teach you. You will learn. And if you don’t, you will not only fail me, but you will fail that little bundle of joy. And if you think I’m hard on you, you just wait and see what she’s got in store for you. Now tighten your ruck sack and MOVE OUT!

The diaper. If there is any invention in the wide universe of fatherhood worth mentioning, this would be it. They come in many shapes and sizes. Some are reusable, others disposable. We will focus on the former since reusable diapers are not part of my forte.

 As you can see below, diapers are mostly Marine proofed already as they come clearly but sometimes confusingly marked. Lets go over them.


Diapers come in many shapes and sizes.

Most manufacturers will have a “N” designation as well as the 1-6 you see above. In the case of a premature baby, look for “premee” or the “P” designation. Now don’t get confused by the other markings such as; swaddlers, snuggler, or cruzers. That means nothing to you at this point and is really just a gimmick to get you to drain your already strained resources.

 In the eventuality that you run out of diapers, and you will, you will need to make a post-haste trip to the supermarket and as you stare up at that towering brick wall of diapers, you will in no doubt be in awe at the various and assorted brands. Some brands are superior to others, but it’s not always the ones you think. Some people prefer the Brand names. Brand names are not always superior. This will take some trial and error on your part and buying diapers is a lot like buying cars. You’ve got to test drive a few until you find the one your comfortable with.

In a pinch, go for the Huggies. I’ve tried out a few of the off brands, and to tell you the truth, they are lacking in quality and believe me, quality matters in a diaper. Now that’s not to say that off brands cannot make quality diapers. Go to Coscto and check out their brand. Now back to that wall. Move to the Huggies section and stand by.

 Each brand marks their diapers slightly differently. The picture below happens to be the Costco brand. But it will do. If you have a newborn baby, look for that “N” or “n” or even “newborn” diaper marking. If your baby is a few weeks old and has gained a few pounds and has also stretched a little, then either go for the “1” or the “1-2” depending on brand. Frank here, will show you what I mean.


Size 1-2 is reserved for newer babies that are slightly too large for "N" or "Newborn".

Don’t get confused by all the jumble on the packaging. The Gunny understands that there is a lot to look at there, just remember these things are already Marine proofed. Mostly. Reach for the one with the number “1” on it. It’s worth mentioning that the diaper count can also be found on the package, get the one with the amount you think your going to need and hold on to it. See that other number. Frank!

The monkey

Do not be confused by all the pretty pictures on the packaging. Ignore the monkey.

Not that one Frank. There will be no monkeying around! Now show the next one.


This is a weight comparison of the size of your baby, not how much poo it can hold.

 That’s better!

Now I know what your thinking, but that is not how much poop and pee the diaper can hold. Believe me the Gunny has tested it out already. Apparently it’s a comparison between the weight of your baby and the size of the diaper. Your baby can weigh up to fifteen pounds for this particula diaper to fit properly. This is important. Do not ignore it. If you ignore this advice, you will regret it!

Buying diapers can be confusing for the neophyte, but hopefully the Gunny has cleared some things up for you.

Stay tuned for another fascinating article on Marine proofing your baby! Next episode we will go over some of the tools of the trade and discuss what they’re for.

You may return to wasting time watching cute little kittens lick themselves.

That is all.